Why programming is depressing.

Computer programmers are depressed people. In 2011, a survey of all the programmers I know revealed worrying trends of annoying, passive aggressive and socially awkward behaviour, which are statistically significant, if not actually significant. 


And it's no wonder. After careful inspection of the working environment, I uncovered a persistent theme of pessimism tightly woven into the fabric of almost every programmer's everyday tool set. 


Consider the following: 
public void main(String args[])


This is a clear reference, public void, to the emptiness of a post-modern materialistic society. It reminds the programmer that community isn't what it used to be, and how an individualistic society can increase loneliness rather than increase personal autonomy. A typical programmer of Java, JavaScript, C, C++ (and much more) has to jump this depressing hurdle almost every time they wish to add a new piece of functionality to a system. 


One of the most depressing programming languages is Visual Basic. Part of the attraction of VB is its emphasis on making programming concepts easier and more fool proof. Unfortunately, this just comes across as patronising. Consider these two equivalent lines of programming, first in C#, then in VB
internal static int i;
Friend Shared Integer i


While the first line of C# seems like sophisticated jargon, the Visual Basic equivalent seems more like a 6 year old's birthday party. "Can I haz a integer?" No, VB, you cannot share my integers or anything else. Using VB to create computer programs has a severe detrimental effect on a programmer's self esteem. 


However, the C-style programming languages are not much better. In particular, all method calls in Java, C# etc. end with what looks like an upside down frowny face with a black eye. 
int i = Integer.parseInt("1");
int j = Integer.parseInt("2");


This makes programming the emotional equivalent of repeatedly punching children in the face. 


Chance combinations of syntax like the above can leave a programmer in an emotional heap. Consider the following code which an older programmer might take as a subconscious message that his life is over. 

if(age < 30)
{
    make();
}
else
{
    break;
}


I hope you consider these things next time you deal with a programmer, remembering they may be in a lot of emotional turmoil.